I started TMS shortly before I turned 41, in May of 2021.
The first appointment consisted of placing an elastic medical "hat" on my head (one of my friends said it looked like a pair of men's briefs.... good comparison). Marks were made so that it would always be positioned exactly the same on my head. They gave me tiny shocks of electricity while I held my hands out. When my fingers twitched, they knew they had the right voltage (?) and position for the machine. Once everything seemed in place, I was scheduled for my treatments.
I went in 5 days a week for, I believe, 5 weeks. Every appointment brought a panic attack. I would arrive early, cry my eyes out, and go in like everything was fine. How could I explain that it was so terrifying to be in the clinic that "treats" treatment-resistant mood disorders? How could I describe the nightmare that was induced by being near this clinic? Why did I keep returning, and why did I still crave that ECT treatment I had been so traumatized by?
The TMS nurse was amazing. I reported on my moods every few treatments, and the machine was adjusted as needed to try and ensure the best results possible. By the end of my last treatment, I had decided this was helping SO much. I told the nurses as much. They were so excited to hear that it was what I needed.
Then, suddenly, without warning, I was told insurance no longer wanted to pay for my TMS. It was "unnecessary" after a few weeks. I still can't understand why insurance will cover unending amounts of torture that included anesthesia, paralytics, muscle relaxants, breathing aids, expensive equipment and machinery, beds, IVs, prescriptions, and more. But a simple in-and-out process that helped was "not covered" because of cost.
I was once again left alone, without any follow-up or concern from the entire medical staff at the treatment-resistant mood disorders clinic.
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