Summary of system failures

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 My last post was really long. I thought I would make a shorter summary.


Carson started throwing really awful uncontrollable tantrums at about age 5.

    The pediatrician(s) told me he would outgrow it and not to worry because he wasn't hurting anyone or anything.

    When he got bigger and started to be destructive, I was told not to worry because he wasn't hurting himself.

    When he started hurting himself, I was told not to worry because it wasn't "that serious"

    When he continued to destroy things, scare siblings, and get violent with me, talk about suicide, and had serious impulsive behaviors, I was told that it was a phase. 

    Finally, a doctor told me that he had ADHD and prescribed medication. This didn't make a difference.

    When Carson got big enough to fight me off when I would try to restrain him during violent outbursts, it was brushed off.

    When I asked for psychological evaluations, I was told that it seemed pretty extreme but there was a 1 year waiting list. 

    After trying several therapists and psychiatrists, I got a diagnosis of DMDD (disruptive mood dysregulation disorder) meaning that when he was dysregulated, he got disruptive (violent)

    I finally found a place that accepted my insurance and was willing to do the testing. After about 90 minutes, the girl doing the testing asked if I had ever had him hospitalized. I said no, and she asked, "why not?" I told her I didn't know I could, nobody had every suggested it or recommended it. In fact, this was the first time anyone made me think I wasn't totally crazy and overreacting to my son's behavior. She said "let me make some calls" 

    Carson was 15! 

    For the next 9 months we thought he had finally found a solution. More evaluations, more therapy, more meds, family therapy. Then suddenly he was dropped because insurance thought he was improving enough to manage things at home.

    Within a month of moving home, we knew nothing had changed. Carson moved in with his dad. His dad and stepmom were convinced they could fix things because I was just doing everything wrong. It was just ME. My ex even made me sign an agreement that Carson would stay there until he graduated high school. I should have held him to that agreement HE wrote up.

    After a year with his dad, Carson was again hospitalized, sent to a treatment center, kicked out of that location, and came home. We have called the police 3 times in the month he's been home. NOTHING has changed. There are improvements but overall, Carson still has the same struggles.

    MOSTLY, because NOBODY LISTENS TO ME and I don't know how to advocate any more than I have. INSURANCE COMPANIES ARE STUPID and therefore he can't get the treatment he needs. I am so overwhelmed with Carson. He will be 18 in a few months and then, I don't know what will happen. I can't keep him here. I can't kick him out. I can't handle the stress either way.

    Thanks for nothing, to everyone

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