Short-Term Memory

 It's weird how I can remember some random bits and pieces of things that happened during ECT (or before and after). I remember at work one day, someone asking about why I had been out on disability so much and I told her about ECT. I said it was nice to meet her, and she said "we've worked together a few times now" so I apologized and explained that ECT had caused some problems with my memory. She asked me:
"long-term or short-term?"

I was extremely confused. My brain could not understand those words. I asked her what she meant?

"Are the problems with long-term or short-term memories? What kinds of problems?"

I was still confused.... "what is the difference?" (looking back, I'm sure she thought I was a complete idiot)

She explained and I said, "I guess both are problematic."

I have replayed this conversation many times and thought "I wonder how many other times I sounded like a complete idiot and don't remember. How many people think I'm just stupid and shouldn't be allowed outside." It haunts me.

I gave up a long time ago on getting back the lost memories. I taught myself to play piano again, I have read my blogs and journals, and I have asked questions of my loved ones about my past. But I will never get those memories back. I hate it, but I accept it.

However, the short-term memory problem is so frustrating. I can read a book, and tell someone how much I liked it, but if asked what it's about, I can't answer. Same with a movie. Jason and I watched a movie Saturday night, and I loved it, but have NO recollection of the story line, just some basic scenes that I found funny. Jason made a reference and I was so confused, until he said, "from the movie last night" and then it clicked. But I didn't remember it on my own.

It is hard when I used to be so good at memorizing facts and figures, equations and phone numbers, addresses, and more. But now I can't remember something I read or saw a few days ago. I feel so stupid. But I never talk about that frustration. Nobody will understand, and those that I would talk to are so tired of my complaints about ECT that it's not worth bringing up.