My Daddy and Crazy Lady

For as long as I can remember, I have been a Daddy's Girl. My mom encouraged it. She never knew her dad, and she wanted her kids to be close to their dad. But it didn't take much for me to be Daddy's girl. I have always thought of him as my hero, my rock, my friend, and sometimes even my therapist. I wanted to be close to him all the time. I wanted his advice for every big event. 

When my mom died, I figured we would just become even closer because he would need me as much as I had always needed him. But he immediately started looking for a new wife. He pushed away everything I did. Every effort to be with him, spend time together, help him grieve, receive comfort from him in my own grief, was pushed away. He just wanted to move on.

Within 6 months of mom's death, he had been engaged, broken up, been scammed for thousands of dollars, sent nudes, promised himself to a woman, finally accepted the advice of ALL his kids to break up with her, and then got engaged again. Not to mention the number of women in the ward he had scared because he pushed so hard to get into a relationship. 7 months after my mom died, my dad married Dawnie. He didn't know her last name, her financial status, her previous relationship history, how many kids (if any) she had, or anything else about her. He couldn't even spell her first name. But he had to marry her right away.

Dad, and I at Mom's gravesite

Me and my siblings with Dad, standing by the casket at Mom's gravesite.

Less than a month after the wedding, dad called and asked if I could help him get his stuff out because she wanted him to leave. The next day, he went back. A few months later, it happened again. Then I found out that he had left and stayed with friends a couple times or slept on the couch. It hasn't even been 2 years now, and he has been "kicked out" at least 4 times. 

Yesterday I called to tell my dad when I would be coming by to check on his medications. He was crying. I asked what he needed and he said "can I come stay with you?" I said "absolutely!" he said "I know you would help me out, but I don't think we're there yet. I don't want that". So I told him to remember that I will take him in anytime, and that I would be there later that evening.

About 10 minutes later, Dawnie called me. She said "I heard Mark asked to move in with you." I said "well, not exactly. He said he didn't want to leave but asked if he could come if he needed to." She rambled for 30 minutes about trauma from 60+ years ago and belittled my dad with statements like "he just doesn't know anything" or "he just doesn't understand things" or "he never told me he was in debt when we met" or "he had to borrow money from a friend. Can you BELIEVE that?" while I heard my dad crying in the background.

She accused my siblings of hating her and mistreating her. She claimed my brother had demanded she take in his son and "let him rule the house". She said she couldn't take in a stranger, and I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn't say "you took in a stranger! My dad was not more than a stranger when you married him and let him sleep in your bed!" Instead, I listened. I let her vent and heard her tell my dad to back her up on every count. My dad was tearful and depressed.

Another few minutes passed, Dawnie called again and said "he wants to be with you. He said so, that's why he asked if he could come stay with you." I pointed out that he had NOT said that, and that he had wanted to stay with her. She insisted he didn't and that she wasn't kicking him out, it was his choice, and I needed to come get him. 

I dropped everything. I left my kids to their own devices and ran to my dad's aid. My teenagers cleaned out the bedroom upstairs, we set up a bed for him, we had moved his stuff in. I talked to him and comforted him while he cried because "this isn't what he wanted". 

All day today I have talked to him about how this is too unhealthy and he cannot be in a relationship, or at least not live under the same roof as her. I pointed out how he talked to me when I was dating, or in a bad relationship.. I told him to follow his own advice. She needs help he cannot give, and he needs to prioritize his own health. (just 2 weeks before all this, he spent 4 days in the hospital due to a severe UTI, kidney failure, seizures, and onsetting dementia). She kept the focus on her own problems, never once checking on my dad, his needs, his kids or grandkids that were struggling and afraid, too. But she kicked him out because he wasn't paying the bills..... to clarify that, she said he agreed to pay utilities when he moved in. They never set that up, both forgot about it, and the bills kept getting paid from her account...... NOT HIS FAULT. They both dropped the ball! 

I took dad back to get a few things, and he tearfully told me that he was going to stay the night with Dawnie. I can't tell my dad what to do. I already told him how I felt. I let him stay.

He came over after a couple hours and took back some things. As I helped him gather things up, I said "there's always a bed here for you." and he said "I have a feeling I'll be back."

That's where we are now. 😨😢😢😢