Phone Charging "issue"

 Yet another fun post about Dad's dementia. I thought my personal story blog would be more about my own journey than my dad's memory but I don't want to start another blog. And my dad is my main focus lately anyway.....

Today dad called me in tears when I was at work. He said his phone wouldn't charge and he had to go to Wal-Mart tech support and have it checked. I asked why he was crying, "because it's my only connection with.... with.... her..... with Dawnie" he started to sob. I said he would be OK, we would figure it out. I asked if he had tried another cord or another base and he said he had tried several but nothing worked and he was down to 20% battery. 

When I got home, he said his phone was charging fine because he put it on a different cord. But now his tablet wasn't charging. I mentioned how he had told me over the phone that he had already tried that and it didn't work. He was thoroughly confused. He said it wasn't the cord that was the problem but the "thing at the end" I said that if he figured out his phone, he should be able to figure out how to charge the tablet as well. He got frustrated and insisted I take him to Wal-Mart to talk to the tech support there. When we got to Wal-Mart he insisted I was parked in the wrong place. Then he told me I was going to the wrong location in the store. I finally got him to the tech assistance spot and left him there while I made a phone call. He apparently didn't ask for help assessing the problem, he just asked where he could get a charger..... So we left after he bought a charger we could have picked up anywhere, and much closer.

Once in the car, he asked (for the 4th time at least) if I was taking him to Dawnie's. I said "yes, that's already been decided. You don't have to keep asking." Then he said he needed to go to the bank. I asked why "I locked myself out of the banking website so I need to reset it at the branch." I asked why he was logging in, because we've reset his password at the branch several times now. He said he was just checking his balance. But a few minutes later, he said he wasn't sure why he had wanted to login. I said he better not be thinking of giving away more money (he recently gave Dawnie $300 after he saw his balance was higher than expected. Because she complained about her financial situation repeatedly.) I told him he didn't really NEED to know his balance unless he was buying something, in which case he needed to talk to me or Brandon. He changed the reason for checking the account several times. 

When we left the branch, he said we needed to go find out why his phone wasn't charging. I reminded him we already had, and pointed to the previously purchased charger. He said "oh, that's right." then halfway to Dawnie's house he asked if we could go to the bank to reset his online password. 

Another note on the money he gave Dawnie........ He had gone in to get cash to pay me rent. He was surprised at how much was in his account and decided that meant he could give Dawnie whatever he wanted. The next day, he met with the financial planner that was helping with the bankruptcy. Brandon was there, too. As soon as they left, Dad took a very heavy sigh. I asked what was wrong. He said "I didn't know I needed that much in my account to file the bankruptcy. I thought that money was just a bonus I was given. I don't know how I had so much. Now I might be in trouble." I asked for more info, and he admitted to giving her money but couldn't recall how much. I told him there was no "bonus" and money doesn't just show up. That money was there because I had not been allowing him to give it all away to her, and to spend hundreds of dollars every week on her groceries and vitamins. He said that wasn't true and he never spends money on her or for her. UGH! 

We finally figured out it was $300 he had given her. He was afraid to tell Brandon or the financial planner/bankruptcy attorney because he realized he shouldn't have done that. I told him he will no longer be allowed enter a bank without me or Brandon, and I have his login information now so if he tries to login and can't, instead of getting locked out again, he should call me or Brandon.

I am trying so hard to be a good daughter, patient and loving. To make the most of every minute I have with him. It's just so hard to see him go back to the abuser. No matter how much he thinks he cares for her and she cares for him. It just isn't healthy the obsession he has with her. She doesn't share the sentiment. She is fine missing time with him for a nap or because she doesn't feel well or his kids want time with him. HE is not OK with missing a moment if he can avoid it. 

This is hard.